we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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