Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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