i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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