if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need water and some morals
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
