he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
