2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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