So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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