And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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