i need an iv and a liver transplant
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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