rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
