I think im going to throw up on grandma
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
