Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just pee around me
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