Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
