someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
