watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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