It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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