if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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