I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
