i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
