Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
