Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
