i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So squirting runs in the family.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
