So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
