Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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