Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
