I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
