Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
