my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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