I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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