That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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