think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
