Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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