White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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