im six kinds of drunk right now
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you never un-have a 4some
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
