I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Im part way to drunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
