I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
