New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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