Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
