I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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