You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
not ubering you a puppy
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
