hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
