It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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