They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
