Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
