Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
