My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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