I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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