If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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