i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
