1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
