Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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