Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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