matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
